Supporting Mommy After a Rough Start

I was excited for my orientation to graduate school. It felt like I was finally embarking on this journey that I had been thinking about for so many years. I thought I had planned well for the day, looking on the campus map on line to locate where the building was on campus and giving myself an hour and a half to make the trip from home to Evanston.  Alas, as time ticked by and I was stuck in traffic, it became clear that I would not likely make the 9:15 start time for the day's activities. Construction, car accident, construction, construction, and construction - all during morning rush hour.  I was cursing myself for not starting earlier. It look me almost 2 hours to get to campus at which point I realized that I had no clue where to park.  I drove down all the surrounding streets and eventually parked in a two-hour spot despite the 6 hours of events planned for the day. Only 5 minutes late.  OK, not so bad.  Until I realized I couldn't find the building where I needed to be and nobody I asked along the way had any idea either.  Tears welled as I anxiously wandered. Eventually I made it to right building and went into the large auditorium only to find that all the seats were full. I sat on steps in the aisle and tried to pull myself together. When the Dean told the crowd of eager young graduate students, "You are the brightest of the bright and you made the right decision to come to Northwestern," the evil voice in my head said, "You don't belong here, Jiffy.  You couldn't even find parking."  Now the tears were actually falling. In public. I managed to make it through one breakout session where a woman was enthusiastically describing the "clusters" that we could participate in, saying that they can serve as a bridge between all our PhD programs and provide the opportunity for interdisciplinary collaborations. It was all very exciting until she started talking about the informal meeting hours, cocktail parties, and group outings that are part of the process.  I just couldn't imagine how I was going to make that happen with all of my family responsibilities.  Defeated again.  I left the orientation, cried all the way home, and crawled into bed.  Ben was surprised to find me home so early and was clearly concerned that I was curled up in a ball sobbing under the covers.  He kept asking "what happened?" I couldn't find the energy to explain how overwhelmed I was feeling and could only manage to say, "I couldn't find parking."

Ben helped me rally and the next weekend, we all went up to Northwestern to scope out the campus and parking situation. Dexter got to visit with a big cow in the student center. It made me feel so much better to get my bearings and Ben and Dexter made me feel so supported.  "We're at Mommy's school!" I'm reminded again that I am a very lucky woman.