Saturday, October 11, 2008

Motherhood Ambivalence Dreams

These two dreams took place on the same night:

Dream #1: Ben and I were walking down the center strip of a mall holding hands. I felt a little tug on the back of my pants and looked back to see a small boy of about 3 or 4 latching himself to my pants with a mountain climbing hook and rope. As Ben and I kept walking it began to get more and more difficult for me to move forward. I turned to look behind me and saw about a dozen small children hooked to each other in a row behind me.

Me to Ben: I can't take this. They're pulling me down. I can't move forward. I have to let them go.

Ben to me: You can't leave them unattended.

Me to Ben: Watch me.

At which point I unlatched the hook from the back of my pants and immediately felt lightfooted. I started skipping forward.

Me to Ben: I feel so free!

Dream #2: Ben and I were sitting by the creek where we sometimes take My Bologna to play. A little boy and girl of about 3 or 4 came out of the creek naked and shivering. They came up to us and said, "We're looking for our mommy". I said to them, "Well, I'm not her so keep it moving." Ben said to me, "You have to dry them off, they'll get cold!" I said to Ben, "Why are you trying to make this my problem?"